If you’re reading this, most probably, you’re not a stoner. Trust me, you can’t be a stoner and fail to know you’re one. There’s just a vibe to it, and it’s so amazing that stoners never have a problem being stoners.
If you only smoke weed when you get it, then you’re far from being a stoner.
If you don’t thirst for weed enough to endure the inconvenience of finding a dealer the same day you move into a new neighborhood, then you probably aren’t there yet.
The occasional toker probably never allocates a budget for weed. He doesn’t have paraphernalia and almost shit his pants of paranoia the last time he took puffs.
You can’t be a stoner without knowing you’re one. It just happens. You just know a new need has arisen. You just know you need to tweak a knob, fire your nerves, and feel all the goodness your body can handle.
How Much Do You Need To Smoke To Be Considered A Stoner?
You can smoke as little as one pre-roll a day and still be a stoner. It’s not about the much you smoke that makes you a stoner. It’s the frequency of use that separates the occasional two-puffs toker from an every-time-is-weed-time stoner.
But maybe you’re at crossroads, not knowing whether you’re in deep with both feet or simply getting high for a moment’s bliss. Don’t fret. These pointers will help you find your place on the stoners’ meter;
1. You Smoke Weed Before Doing Mundane Tasks
I always smoke my joint before I begin writing. This blog is fueled by weed. But it’s not only the writing that ‘asks’ for a joint. I smoke weed before lunch, before Netflix, and before bed.
If you have to smoke weed to do things that initially didn’t require you to toke first, you’re a stoner.
The best thing about being at this stage is that you gain some next-level mastery of your high. You can get high and still work.
Maybe you don’t smoke weed every time the urge arises because you don’t have the money to sustain your weed needs. But, if you crave weed before beginning tasks, you’re a stoner.
Some stoners smoke fewer times because of financial limitations. Otherwise, they’d be smoking joint after joint and still operate.
That’s why determining if someone is a stoner by how much they smoke can be misleading.
A stoner can only smoke a joint a day if that’s what he can afford, or worse, miss a few days when he’s broke.
Yet, he can pack a whole bowl repeatedly in one day if he could afford it.
2. You Can Always Smoke A Little More
Becoming a stoner comes with the confidence that you can handle everything pretty well when stoned. Thus, you can always take a little more puffs.
You could be having some work to do, but you trust yourself to handle the high well enough to complete it successfully.
It’s an assuring feeling that only comes with seasoned smoking.
Still, the beauty of being a stoner is mastering the balance— getting high enough to enjoy the mundane without losing control of the high.
3. You Can Tell the Difference Between Shitty Weed and Top-Shelf Quality
If you’ve been smoking for long, you begin to differentiate your kind of high. Of course, different spliffs rarely have the same toke, but beginner smokers can never tell.
Stoners have built their tolerance, and so they can experience weed at varied levels.
Also, stoners will know the quality of the buds by simply studying the buds. When you’ve been cheated a few times, you grow a nose that smells moldy weed a mile away.
Forget the incessant coughs of your early stoning days. Everyone has a story about them. If you care so much about smoothness and can tell when the weed is harsh, crown yourself!
4. You’ve Lost Your Stories Amidst Narration Many Times
Take this with a pinch of salt because it may only be happening to me. I’ve had some good stories for the sesh but lost them amidst the narration.
Happens to me all the time. Blame it on the weed!
5. You Can Identify a Fellow Stoner in A Crowd
It’s no miracle that stoners can meet for the first time and share a toke where non-smokers couldn’t have even spoken.
Whether it’s in the body language or something, I can’t tell. But stoners always know how to pick their ilk in a crowd.
I’m pretty good at this. I’ve missed a few times, but they were cases of ‘I no longer’— not ‘I don’t’!
6. You Keep Roaches in Your Ashtray
I used to think that roaches were a money problem until I realize there’s more to them. Roaches aren’t a money problem; they’re a stoner’s delight.
Stoners always keep the roaches, and most are openly scathed when hands other than their own picks the roach.
Snoop did a whole song (Roaches In My Ashtray) about his beef with people stealing roaches from the ashtray. See, stoners and roaches are inseparable.
The day you begin keeping the roaches for the bad days (but end up smoking them all before the bad days), ask for a membership card, you’re a stoner.
7. You Can Roll In Under 5 Minutes
Rolling the perfect joints takes practice, and that’s why you must be a seasoned smoker to roll perfect joints in less than five minutes.
Of course, some stoners haven’t mastered the art of rolling perfect joints.
Not all stoners roll their joints, but if you can roll a perfect joint in under five minutes, you’re a stoner.
8. You’ll Pick a Joint Over Booze
If you smoke and still drink alcohol, you sometimes face scenarios where you have to choose between smoking a joint or drinking.
A stoner will always choose weed if they can’t have both weed and booze. The pursuit of a high always precedes the thirst for alcohol. If you have to debate what to go for between alcohol and weed, you’re probably not there yet. A stoner won’t think twice!
9. You Make Excuses to Smoke More Weed in The Name of Celebrating ‘Small Wins’
I love celebrating small wins, but sometimes I just make excuses to smoke more weed. If you do this too, get in and close the door behind you.
Even when there’s nothing to celebrate, you’ll create something along the lines of fueling the hustle’.
While other stoners smoke more weed to celebrate small wins, others use weed as a reward—something you have after completing a task.
Either way, you’re a stoner.
10. You Take Weed In Different Ways
Smoking weed; the raw pre-rolls is where most smokers begin. But the more you get used to the high and learn to control it, the more you can experiment with it.
Stoners have built their tolerance levels, allowing them to experiment with weed without eliciting any bad high. They are therefore more inclined to dab, vaporize, or bake.
If your friends marvel at your collection of glass pieces and other paraphernalia, you’re a stoner.
In summary, the amount of weed you smoke alone isn’t enough to qualify you as a stoner. Instead, it has a lot to do with the frequency of use and the user’s attitude towards being a stoner.
Someone could be smoking 4 grams per day every day and still don’t identify as a stoner. Mostly it’s because of the negative references the public associate with the term stoner.
Most people think of a stoner as a jobless guy who’s always tired, red-eyed, and sits before the television for the better part of the day.
But the guy who won your company’s employee of the month award— the industrious and disciplined Leo could also be a stoner.